Yesterday wasn't bad either.
But the past month has been filled with ups and downs...
Today was a big day for me though! I battled with a dreaded pot in the frigerator! With trash can in one hand and bleach spray bottle in the other the pot was conquered.
We've all had to battle those dreaded leftovers in the frig. You know, the ones that create colorful displays (much like a Rembrant painting- except fuzzier!) in our Ziplock containers.
Well, today I had the willpower to conquer it. This is BIG for me because for the past few months I haven't had the desire to do anything.
I've been depressed.
I'm not sure why exactly- could be from missing my family and friends back in Louisiana- could be womanly hormones- the 'could be's' could go on, but whatever the cause I still must deal with this.
Being depressed stinks! Ya don't feel like doing anything (even the fun stuff) and ya cry alot. Life is blah... Yet, my life truly isn't blah. In fact, I'm incredibly blessed! So why am I depressed???
I have no clue.
For me, being depressed is like a weight placed on me that I can't move and have no will power to move. I cry late at night. I cry when I wake up. I don't feel like doing the simplest of things. The girl who has the funnest job, a sweet husband, a charming townhouse, and countless other blessings from my Provider sees life as meaningless.
I write this not to gain sympathy from my readers, but to grant empathy to readers who get depressed also.
I am also writing this to reveal some actions that have helped me.
Sometimes life looks grey and meaningless when the daily household chores and work are what cover my to do list, and daily routines just aid to the blandness, but I must escape this feeling. I must because life for us all is made of these things. There is no escaping them. There must be joy to be found in each day or it is difficult waking up in the morning and rising to face the day- trust me, I know.
One thing I have started doing is doing my quiet time later on in the day, forcing myself to get physically active earlier. I am not a morning person and I cannot focus too well in the mornings anyway so doing physical activites that do not involve concentration is actually a plus for me. I take walks and breathe in some nice ol oxygen and look at pretty things and it makes me happy.
I also realized I needed to realize purpose in my life.
After being pretty down I remember praying for God to let me help someone else who was also lonely. The next day I met a new teacher who confessed to me how lonely she gets because her family is far away too. But a person needs a daily purpose too- I try telling myself that washing laundry and cooking dinner is purposeful, but my brain doesn't let that fully sink in. I have started majorly pursuing crafting. Crafting is something I find contenment in and I find I am more prone to 'be still and know that He is God' better when my hands are busy crafting then during my set aside quiet time.
These have helped, yet I still find there are times I must force myself to do them. One thing I try never to do is believe that I am depressed because I must be far from God. If my depression is caused from my womanly hormones from my womanly medication then that has nothing to do with sin or lack of contenment in my Provider. If anything it only makes me turn to Him more. Guilt added to depression only creates a deadlier combination.
So today I tackled my frig monster then went to work and saw wonder that God has placed in the eyes of the children I teach. It was a good day. I have no clue what tomorrow may bring. It may be another battle using my trusty bleach spray bottle...it may involve me battling with myself (except I won't use the bleach on myself!).
What about you? Do you battle against being depressed?
